I Sing while I Paint.

Some days, I feel like I live in my own little world… unaffected by my surroundings… The truth is, it hurts too much to recognize the truth of this world. I’m not trying to be numb or unaffected. I call it, keeping my peace. You call it privilege, denial, & desensitization. And, yes. I don’t really want my privilege, but I can’t forget that I have it. I’m not ashamed of it, but sometimes I don’t know how to use it. 
Maybe it’s this poem, a word, a song, a piece art. I’ve tried, but maybe that’s why nobody knows. My try seems to never be enough. I can’t touch a persons heart, I can’t heal a persons wound, I can’t change a persons past and I can’t solve what may be coming soon. So here, I write. I write, because my spoken words fall short. I could’ve, would’ve, should’ve said, but never did, I cried instead. 

I’ve cried the tears that never seem to dry, at flick of switch I have to turn my head. God forbid the I cry the tears my ancestors never did. The callousness of man kind, I can’t comprehend, so I cry with tears that never subside.Truth is, I don’t want to hide… as my heart beats through my chest, I don’t want cry, as my heart beats through chest, I’m done with lies, as my heart beats through my chest. So here I die. 
I’ll never know why,  the world is what is… but today I die to myself. I stand in power knowing the devil likes his chaos and thinks he’s won, never put God to the test, for with Him, we all overcome. With God by side, I’ll never rest. Not the God religion puts in its weird little box of politics, power, confusion and callous hearts, but the God of love, who defeated, giants, demons, death and grave plots. I’m sorry for those who live in that small little bubble. Even when policies made in His name, leave His heart broken. Just remember those who placed Him on the cross, were those who lived in the box, and chose Pilot and Caesar first. 

I’m tired of not being tired of what this world throws. It’s not in my hands, but in the Hands that knows the beginning and the end, and where the enemy goes. So, I stand strong and speak the truth, of what love can accomplish, so I love. I’m not ashamed of the tears I’ve cried and hands I’ve held to say I’m by their side. The signs I hold, the pledges I make. I will make difference, I am what I behold. A child chosen by the One whose flesh was torn and broken. A child strong enough in His name to never be broken. I am a Child of God…unashamed, unbroken, imperfect, and a light.